Kidney Cancer

[livingwith]

For what it’s worth…
I, don’t remember too much after the emergency room doctor, came running in, and said very out loud, “you have a large tumor in your kidney, it will have to be removed.”
I had gone to the hospital because of severe pain I had since a biopsy of my liver was done in the same hospital the day before. I was in so much pain I thought I wanted to die, then when I asked this doctor what was he talking about, I only came here to get checked out for pain...Read the full article

[charlene2]

GOD BLESS YOU, FOR YOUR STORY!

[sbondwil]

Dear P: Reading your story touched me very deeply, because I went through a similar situation, but not as bad, i.e. job, etc., [yet, but, I feel it coming - I know wierd], but similar. I, like you, went to my doctor, because I was having pain in my lower abdomen. It was thought to be appendicitis. I was sent for a CT Scan, but my doctor failed to specify with or without contrast, and I told the radiologist that I would prefer to wait until the next day to have it clarified rather than proceed with just a CT Scan. This decision has probably saved my life, as I, too, choose to be a Cancer Survivor. As it turns out, I get a telephone call from my primary care, and he bluntly says: "well, you don't have appendicitis, but you have cancer." Then, he asks me (over the telephone), "Do you have any questsions?" I said, "No." I, too, was sucker punched. His office had already scheduled an appointment with a urological/surgical specialists for the next day, and, then, the tests began. And, when my husband and I went to the doctor's office, he acted as though we knew all there was to know. And, I told him no. And, I told him how the news was delivered to me/us (me), and that I only knew as much as I did in 24 hours, because of the internet. And, I believe I have walked around in a fog ever since. My surgery was scheduled for August 11, 2009. I decided and my doctor confirmed with me that I wanted an open partial nephrectomy (learned a new word), and if it looked worse visually than it appeared on x-rays to take the entire kidney. Well, I do not have to tell you the pain one experiences after this surgery. Oh, my God. Nothing prepared me for that. On the table, since the mass was so small, less than 2cm, contained within the confines of the kidney wall, etc., the doctor, who I like, made the decision that he was only going to remove the mass. It tested positive. He removed the surrounding tissue; cortarized (msp.) the area, and retested. But, he did not follow my instructions, and no one understand how angry I was, and I still am, at him. I like him: But, I had made my decision; I had shared this decision with him, and he confirmed the decision, and yet, he did not do what I had asked him to do. i cannot describe, as well as you, my exact emmotions at any given time, but they have been numbness, anger (intense), sadness, crying, etc.

My hospital stay was awful. My surgery took 2-1/2 hours, and my recovery took over 2-1/2 hours. Why? Because everytime I came out of anesthesia, my pain was so severe that they had to keep putting me under. After I got to the hospital room, which I don't remember, I must have woke up long enough to make a noise, moan, groan, and my sister came over to me, leaned down and told me to be quiet that I was not the only person in the room, and I was disturbing the other person in the bed. When I told her I had asked for a private room, so my husband could be with me, and I didn't give a damn, my sister - yes, my sister - raised her hand to hit me. The next thing, I remember some 24 hours later was going into shock, because I have to be the rare person or people who are allergic to morphine and the antibiotics they had me on, and the pain was so severe, that my body went into shock. Guess what? I got the private room. I had to almost die from post-operative surgery, but I got the room. And, I was in the hospital from Tuesday until Sunday, and I do not even, even remember leaving the hospital. In 6 days they had me on 6 different pain medications.

One day at my primary care, I broke down and started crying and couldn't quit, and I told him (as he looked scared to death) that he had told me that I had cancer; I had cancer surgery, and i felt like since then I had been put on a piece of driftwood alone to bob up and down in the ocean by myself.

I still do not know how I feel about the surgical procedure, and, of course, only time will tell. Dr. T has told me that I am to look at myself as a "Cancer Survivor." And, since that time, I have felt better. To be hones P, I don't know how I feel. And, when I think about it, I start to cry. I don't know why? I just do. I am going to get the book you recommended. I bought a book "Fear Not: Surviving Cancer," but everytime I open it, I start crying, and I can't read it.

I picked your story out because, you, too, experienced this ordeal in June. I want an armband: Red. I want it to read "Cancer Survivor." I know pink people associate with breast cancer, but there are so many other cancers out their, and I want to be able to look at it everyday and draw strength from it.

I have not gotte to the part where you are mentally or emmotionally. I've still got a lot of anger in me. But, I am trying desperately to get back to my normal. I am changing some of my habits. I need to quit smoking. I quit for three weeks, and then, something justified me starting back. Feeling sorry for myself and scared about the future. And, tonight I read an article on alcohol and kidney cancer to find that alcohol in moderation does not cause kidney cancer nor affect kidney cancer. Of course, I've had a bottle of wine since June still sitting on my kitchen counter top. I was scared to have a glass. And, I've been punishing myself for smoking and my husband has been at me non-stop about it, since I started back.

I am healthy. Athletic. 58. Always have been. So, this took me by surprise. There is no history of cancer in our family except for my mom's grandmother had breast cancer, and she would be alive today with modern medicine, because she lived to the age of 84. Heart disease I was prepared for, but not this. I feel 68 or older now. I look in the mirror, and i do not recognize myself. I go back to a job I hate on October 5, 2009. I wish, in this economy that I could be grateful for it. But, I hate it. I have for 7 years. I've been a legal secretary all of my life, and somehow I ended up working for Staff Counsel at Travelers Insurance, and I can't stand the bs. I don't know why I am telling a complete stranger this. I really don't. And, as I write it down: I think somehow, someway, someone will read this, and I will be out of a job. And, when I go back, there is no guarantee that I will not be out of a job anyhow. I just have this feeling. They've been letting people 50 and over go that have worked for this company for 35 years. And, if they feel no obligation to them. Why me??

I keep telling my husband that everything is going to be okay. He is currently laid-off but still employed if that makes sense. Our State is working with companies. You work, and then, you are laid off. After 15 weeks, you are permanently laid-off. But, he works for a good company. He has been there 20 years.

I'll close now, because during my surgical procedure my left wrist was injured, and after awhile of typing, it starts to hurt. God Bless You, and I do wish, somehow, we can continue to communicate with each other. I don't know how this thing works. I just read your story and here I am.

S. Bond